Being a person used to be really hard for me.
Beginning with my younger school days I was a huge target for bullies. I was a shrimp of a child, complete nerded out to the things that weren’t cool, and had more feelings than any boy ever. And after school I was verbally abused by my father for not being that perfect son.
But it wasn’t my dad’s or those kids’ faults that I was bullied.
Picture with me a mannequin that represents America. This mannequin was erected because our forefathers didn’t want to be oppressed. But it changed from the desire to not be bullied to the journey of gaining self-indulgent power over the world. Our mannequin began with morals, values, community, and love. Over the years, the mannequin was redressed constantly to fit with our new power hungry minds.
It changed so much that when the time came for me to mark my first step into society, I didn’t look like the mannequin. It was 6 feet tall, athletic, had big breasts, a huge booty, and of course had on those designer jeans. It’s insides were fitted with vulnerability blocking shields, an attitude of no weakness, and the motivation of becoming alpha.
Years went on.
By the time I fully committed my life to Christ (17), my story went from being the beta to the alpha. A bully over other bullies, a well known criminal, and trying to find a permanent place to live. By this time it was too late to ever be a child. My adolescence was taken from me.
All because of that blasted mannequin.
As I entered the Christian world I discovered that they have a mannequin of their own.
It was Jesus.
There’s nothing wrong with Jesus being the absolute model of who we should look like. But the Christian’s today are trying to be God. They’re claiming the right to judge others, trying to convict our actions, and ultimately telling us if we’re actually going to hell or not.
More years passed and I eventually left for the World Race. And I was one of the very youngest people on my squad. After 4 months passed, I was raised up as a Squad Leader. And then what happened?
I didn’t look like the mannequin.
These people (not all) wanted a leader with 10+ years of being a Christian (I had 4 years by then), someone who had experience in a leadership position, a solid man of men, and ultimately they wanted to be the leader themselves.
So I was stoned.
Being called out publicly instead of privately, manipulating me into saying something wrong so it can be called out later, making me believe that my personal identity in Christ didn’t matter in comparison to their prideful beliefs.
But honestly, I screwed up all the time. I was selfish, I ignored what I didn’t want to face, I didn’t read the Bible everyday, I didn’t know how to lead.
But it wasn’t my fault or the others who so verbally opposed me.
It was that blasted mannequin’s fault.
I am not blaming myself or my dad or those evil little children or my difficultly loving squad for my huge losses of life.
Because good has and will come out of these bone deep wounds. As for this mannequin, let us take everything off of it.
Take out the botox, the implants, the wig, all of the clothes, and empty it’s head.
I want to view this mannequin as completely naked.
A mannequin who doesn’t have walls built up or a mask to hide behind.
To look at this mannequin as to where we should get to:
V U L N E R A B L E and U N A S H A M E D.
